What its like to be a New Full-time Stepmom & Bio Mom!!

What its like to be a New Full-time Stepmom & Bio Mom!!

Are you a New Full-time  Stepmom & Bio Mom?

What do I mean when I say full-time Stepmom & Bio Mom, exactly?

This term refers to a situation where you are already a Bio Mom and additionally the relationship you are in will include your spouse’s Bio Kids. This now makes you both a Bio Mom AND a Stepmom! 

The full-time part of the term, is, however, an entirely different story.

In this particular situation, you are fully aware of your new status(both a Bio Mom and a Stepmom), you also are well aware of the fact that you are NOT the stepchild’s “real Bio Mom“.

However, there is now a NEW reality you are being faced with… the stepchild’s actual Bio Mom is not in the picture at all(ever or any more, or only occasionally), and you now have to fill her shoes entirely as well as your own Bio Mom shoes!

Well, that is EXACTLY what happened to me! ( I will be mainly focusing on the being a full-time Stepmom part because I feel like the Bio Mom part is obvious!)

I went into my relationship with the mindset and determination to be a good Bio Mom and good ” normalStepmom. To tell you that my “world was turned upside down” when I faced my new reality, I believe would be quite an understatement!

In addition to a having two Bio children of my own, I now had to figure out how to be my stepchild’s “full-time stepmom” as well!

Let me tell you, this task is beyond hard!!

I won’t lie or sugar coat the situation, at times my “new reality” plain out SUCKED.

🚨I want to briefly stop and clarify some things before I go any further, I don’t want you to start thinking the wrong idea about me.🚨

The “filling her shoes” part of this situation is NOT the part I’m referring to here as “sucking“, NOT at all!

 I absolutely LOVE my stepchild and I wouldn’t trade my time taking care of him, watching him grow, helping him learn, or anything else I have done, over ANYTHING!!  Through MY eyes, my stepchild is just another one of my Bio children & he ALWAYS will be.

It’s the REALITIES of the situation, that makes this suck and what makes this situation to be so hard!

How I deal with stepmom stressors

Let me ask you this…

If you are a full-time Stepmom, does your stepchild know his/her Bio Mom, in another word, is he/ she old enough to remember his/her Real Bio Mom”?

Well, my stepchild was old enough to remember (barely) and this is where the full-time stepmom” role gets tricky!!

You see, my stepson’s Bio Mom would come in and out of his life. When she would get him, she would promise him the world(I am talking about crazy & extravagant things) and she would allow him to do(and act) absolutely ANYTHING(& anyway) he wanted to do (good or bad) while he was with her.

She would allow my stepson to (literally) run wild and to make matters worse, she would praise him for his wild, destructive, & bad behaviors!

I am sure you all can see how the Bio Moms actions with my stepson would cause issues with our “blended” family, when my stepson would come home.

 

Not suprisingly, when my stepson would first arrive back home with us, he would immediately start disobeying, showing out, & throwing major tantrums at the first sign of being told what to do. Additionally, he would always be super cranky and wired to the MAX!

Another obvious factor was that my spouse & I knew WHY my stepson was acting that way, but we also knew that his behavior was NOT okay.

For the first few “scenes” my stepson would make, my spouse & I would simply remind him of our homes rules  & the consequences of breaking those rules. If that didn’t work and he continued to disobey or act out, we would have to punish(age/action appropriately of course) him.

(**SIDE NOTE: The rules had been defined and made clear to each child long before this happened! This a CRUCIAL step to laying a strong foundation for your entire blended family by the way.)

When my spouse & I would end up having to punish my stepson (despite our reminders and warnings), WHO do you think (eventually)would get blamed for his so-called.. mistreating”? 

You guessed it, ME the full-time Stepmom. Me, the woman who is also a Bio Mom & who has 2 kids watching this horrific behavior. Those two kids, also knowing we don’t allow behavior like that in our home, and those kids knowing that if either of them acted that way, the punishment was for sure coming!

It would have neither been right or fair, if my spouse and I were to allow his bad behavior to continue or to go seemingly unnoticed. (no matter what the hidden reasoning may be.)

(**SIDE NOTE: I believe children have to be taught how to properly cope with life situations, not allowed to cause havoc in place of learning to deal with!)

 

  I can remember before my spouse & I, even ” completely”  started on the whole discipline thing, I was potty training my stepson and trying to get him “off” the paci (things that SHOULD have been taught and gotten rid of by the age of 3 almost 4 years old).

Every time the Bio Mom would randomly decide she wanted to get my stepson for a weekend, my spouse and I wouldn’t want to but usually felt like we had to allow him to go.

Y’all I swear EVERYTIME, it was as if  EVERYTHING he had learned (or was in the process of learning) would be erased from his mind ENTIRELY while he was away!

Obviously, this would leave me having to RE-TEACH my stepson everything we had been working on before he left, along with caring for my two Bio Kids! 

I want to give you a quick picture of how our lives were back then, so that you can TRULY see how bad it got at certain points.

My stepchild would come back from his Bio Moms visit and be wearing DIAPERS and usually have a NEW paci in his mouth!!

He would come back home with NO desire to “re-(potty)train“, NO desire to continue learning his ABC’s, 123’s, or help with “clean up time” with his step-siblings like he once had! He would pitch fits to watch cartoons ALL day, knowing in our house, we limit T.V. time!

(Let me also remind you that my stepson at this time was 3 almost 4 years old!!) 

 

This period in my life was a nightmare much of the time! My stress-level skyrocketed like nothing you can actually explain in just mere words.

One thing you most likely WON’T experience(or atleast not often) when you are a full-time Stepmom, is recieving CREDIT for ANYTHING you did/do.

A lot of Moms and Stepmoms often experience feeling unappreciated (or some describe it as feeling like “the maid“). As a full-time Stepmom myself, those descriptions seem to be MAJOR understatements of the intense emotions that consumed a lot of my days.

However, I am VERY thankful for my husband who would stand up for me!

Now I am not saying that we, full-time Stepmoms, want to be bragged on because that’s defiantly NOT the case (with me anyway)!!

The issues, for me, came by witnessing first hand how “in and out”(of my stepchild’s life) the Bio Mom was and seeing how she would randomly pop back “in” my stepchild’s life, and how CORRUPTIVE she was to his overall well being. Seeing my stepson experience this brought some heavy unwanted emotions on.

To make things worse, I knew in my heart that despite her actions and lack of parenting(& many others), and despite my own continuous efforts to fill her shoes and be the mom figure he NEEDED, I knew that my stepchild (along with any child at that age) would still choose his Bio Mom over me, any day.

Well, because face it, I am NOT his actual Bio Mom and never will be!

(**SIDE NOTEThis is still true even if you are in the situation, like me, where you had to do all of the things “the real mom” should be doing!)

 

This REALITY is a VERY hard pill to swallow, and truly heart-wrenching at times!

So no we don’t want to be bragged on, but YES, having someone make you feel appreciated or having your role(and all that YOU do) be noticed, even if only every now and then, would be so NICE & refreshing!

I do know that one day my stepson will see (and know) who was there for him.

He will realize one day who took care of him every time he was sick, who potty trained him or helped him learn to tie his shoes, who redecorated his room in a new theme everytime he grew into a new phase, and who taught him to use gel in his hair (because he wanted to look handsome for a girl at school).

He will know I was there and realize that “titles” don’t always mean anything and just because I am not(& never will be) titled as his “real bio mom doesn’t mean I didnt love & care for him as such, because I defiantly DID & DO!

My stepson WILL remember who cheered him on at his k5 graduation and who showed up to every “mommy and me” day at school, and watched(& loudly cheered) him during every one of his tee-ball and soccer games.

I do know all of this, but somehow the reality I shared with you above, still hurts in the present time.

Every time the awkward subject comes up, you know about the fact that I’m NOT his “real mom” my heart feels exactly like what I would imagine a stab straight to the heart would feel like, to this full-time Stepmom anyway.

 

I am pleased to report to you that life DOES indeed get better! The nightmare, severe stress, and drama eventually fade away, and your life becomes almost “normal“.

 

The main keys to Surviving the new full-time Stepmom role(& situations) are:

√ alway KEEP GOING!

√ find the positive in EVERY situation (no matter how small).

√ find(or create) a support network that you can truly rely on(and vice versa) because your husband won’t be able to be your ENTIRE support network ALL OF THE TIME.

So, Let’s Chat! 

Are YOU(or will you be) a full-time Stepmom? Can you relate to my feelings about the role or do you have anything to add? I would LOVE to hear from you!!

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment box below! I would also LOVE for you to share this post with anyone that you feel needs it!

Also, stay connected with A Blended Momma & receive FREE updates, exclusive deals & discounts, & the FIRST to know about anything new & exciting happening around the site, all of this delivered STRAIGHT to your inbox by SUBSCRIBING TO MY NEWSLETTER by clicking here!

Stepmommin : The Ultimate Survival Guide for All Stepmoms

Are we friends on Facebook yet?

If you are looking to find or create a SUPPORT NETWORK for yourself like I recommended earlier, joining one of my 2 FREE facebook groups would be a GREAT start!! 

To join my Stepmom ONLY group click HERE!

To join my Mom + Stepmom ONLY group click HERE!

 

Like this Post? Prove it by Sharing it!

The Brand NEW Face Of Gymboree + The #madeyousmile Campaign

Gymboree has taken on an entire NEW LOOK + Help Welcome The #madeyousmile Campaign!

The All NEW Gymboree

This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. I was compensated for this post.

Do you have Gymboree kids? I know my kids sure are!

 

My kids adore the look and feel and Gymboree just as I do! But now, Gymboree has completely changed just about everything about its former brand and style!! Many of you probably believe this caused problems or for some former Gymboree Kids to shop elsewhere, huh?

My kids are still Gymboree kids! This change has been nothing but positive!

Gymboree has changed just about everything about itself, fortunately, it’s been a really positive change!! Gymboree now has a more modern fresh look and feel to it! My family LOVES it!

One of my oldest daughters favorite changes is, the adorable new mix and match selection!

I guess it’s her age or the time we live in, but mix and match and versatile clothing is a huge rage that my oldest daughter is a #1 fan of!!

Gymboree has made comfort and softness a priority in their clothing!

Here are just a couple of the newest features at Gymboree:

√ The best kids’ jeans ever—super comfortable, soft and durable. 

√ More for baby with the coziest, comfiest fabrics, more neutrals, and modern details. 

 


Doesn’t all of the new changes sound fabulous? They do to us! Back to school shopping will be an absolute breeze if you shop Gymboree!

Along with these changes, Gymboree is also launching the #madeyousmile campaign and wants to know what makes YOU smile!

I did a “mock” interview in my oldest daughter who is now 8 years old (growing too fast 🙁). Anyway, in the interview,  asked her what has made her smile the most this summer 2018 and this is how the interview played out.

Me: What has #madeyousmile the most this summer (2018)? 

Her: Taking swimming lessons at the community center!

Me: What part of that experience #madeyousmile?

Her: Learning to swim in 10 feet of deep water!

Me: Are there other parts of this experience that #madeyousmile?

Her: YES!!!

Me: Well, what are they?

Her: Having my family there to see and cheer me on!

Me: (almost crying) awe you are so sweet, okay interviews over (so mommy can go cry because her babies are growing up way too fast)

Take some time out of your day, today and ask yourself, your spouse, and/or your kids what has #madethemsmile lately!

You’ll be surprised by some of the answers you’ll get! Once you and your family have all discussed what #madeyousmile capture the moment in a picture and share it to social media using the hashtag #madeyousmile! Be sure to tag myself- @ablendedmomma and @Gymboree in your post!

Speaking of social media…are we friends on Facebook yet? I have 2 separate and private groups for women just like YOU! To join my Stepmom ONLY group click here and for my Mom + Stepmom group(moms, stepmoms, and/or both) click here

I told you my kids LOVE Gymboree right?

Below is a picture of my daughter sporting her FAV Gymboree outfit!

I want to give a HUGE shout-out to the new & FABULOUS style and brand of Gymboree for allowing me to celebrate this time with them and also to participate in the #madeyousmile campaign!! Thank you, Gymboree!

If you would like to make sure you are always in the “know” about events like this one and so many others, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter here! It’s FOREVER FREE!

You may also like these posts:

$40 StickerYou Giveaway

How the Dinner Daily is Helping Busy Moms Prepare Healthy Meals on a Budget

Make your Childs Dreams Come TRUE at Legoland!

 

Like this Post? Prove it by Sharing it!

A Stepmoms Dreams Revealed: Introducing The Stepmoms Toolbelt!

I Want to Introduce you to How Stepmoms Dreams are Revealed with the Stepmoms Toolbelt!

The successful stepmoms tool belt bundle sale

please note: some links shown are affiliate links which means if you purchase a product or service through my link i may receive a commission off of it, at no extra charge to you, ever! Thanks for your support, no worries i only promote services and products i trust or use! 

 

What in the world am I referring too when I say The Successful Stepmoms Toolbelt Bundle Sale?

How does a multi-product bundle sale containing only the BEST resources, products, & services made exclusively for Stepmoms throughout the entire year! 

 

 

This tool belt contains so many amazing products, courses, and services from fellow Stepmom bloggers and friends(15 to be exact, retailing at over $700!!)

This bundle is only available for a very LIMITED TIME, in fact, it’s only for 5 DAYS and then it will be gone FOREVER!! 

Another bonus factor is the affordability of this Awesome Deal!!

The Successful Stepmom Toolbelt is available for purchase for only $99!! you cannot beat that price! The individual products included are retailed at over $700 in value! 

The Successful Stepmom Toolbelt

This bundle contains services, products, and courses, that you need in every aspect of your journey as a Stepmom! As the title suggests this is literally a Stepmoms Toolbelt, everything you need as a Stepmom right there for you!

As an added bonus just from me, if you purchase The Successful Stepmoms Toolbelt through my link (here) then you will be eligible for my *SPECIAL OFFER*!!

Finally put an END to Bio Mom Drama

This Special Offer is either of my courses at ridiculously LOW prices!  my MASSIVE course,  The Stepmom Survival Guide, retails normally at $199, you get it for ONLY 65$ & Finally! A Realistic Guide to Ending Drama with the Bio Mom which normally retails at $125 you get it for ONLY $40!!

This only last 1 wk after the sale and you MUST have purchased the Stepmom Toolbelt Bundle OR took my FREE Mini Workshop! (Will be Verified)!

 

The Successful Stepmom Toolbelt

Take advantage of this exclusive bonus after purchasing the Stepmoms Toolbelt right here!

 

You don’t want to miss out on this once in a lifetime bundle! I want to thank Kristen from Stepmomming for creating and hosting this amazing event! Also to all the ladies with products, services, and courses involved in the course I want to thank you all and say its an honor to be included in this event with you all!

Enroll Today to The Stepmom Survival Guide for EVERY Stepmom

If you would like to participate and get your exclusive bundle that (again) will ONLY be available to purchase for 5 DAYS, please use the button below!

Add to cart

Don’t forget to share the link with ALL your Stepmom friends and family as well!

No stepmom needs to miss this and I promise you won’t regret this purchase!

While you’re in the process of getting awesome content for your journey and role as a Stepmom, why not subscribe to A Blended Mommas Newsletter.

You will receive occasional emails and promotions to help you throughout your time as a Mom and/or Stepmom! You can do so by clicking here!

You may also like these another post for Stepmoms here:

The Top 4 Most Common Stepmom Stressors of 2018

How I Introduce My Blended Family to Others- a HUGE Stepmom Stressors

How I Completely Reformed Myself & Why its Crucial For your Blended Family!

 

 

 

 

Purchase your bundle below! Remember ONLY $99 for ONLY 1 Week!

The Stepmoms Toolbelt purchase

 

 

Like this Post? Prove it by Sharing it!

Learn How to Easily SURVIVE Back to School as a Stepmom!

Learn How to Easily SURVIVE Back to School as a Stepmom!

Learn How to Easily SURVIVE Back to School as a Stepmom! 

It seems like summer just began, didn’t it? Unfortunately though, back to school time is right on our heels and as a Stepmom, this time can be absolutely INSANE!

If you parent, the kids probably spent the summer away or partially away from home, which can make the coming home part confusing and chaotic! If your kids stayed with you during summer break, you probably didn’t have much time to organize or prep for the back to school time.

For this coming up back to school season, I want to provide you with the easiest way to SURVIVE it!

The very first step is to create and establish a game plan and get everyone on board!

By gameplay I am talking about the routine or schedule you plan to have throughout the school year. Who will have the kids and when? Pickups and drop-offs, who will do either if the main person cannot. School events, homework, lunches, etc.

You know what will work for you and your spouse so the two of you establish your proposed plan and ask the other parent to do the same. Get together and discuss both proposals and come up with 1 solution that works for you all!

Cozi Family Organizer

This needs to be done ahead of time in case you either cannot agree with one another and/or there is an issue that needs to time to be solved.

 

Secondly, supplies, school clothing, shoes, and fees should be a shared investment.

My husband and I, now, are the only parents in our kids live so we are the ones to do all of this! However, if you are co-parenting these expenses should be shared or split, in a fair manner!

School supplies alone are costly! When you add in the new outfits, shoes, undergarments etc it’s outrageously expensive. Even further, the older grade levels require “class fees” that are not cheap where we live.

The supply list usually comes out at the end of the previous school year. Get a couple of copies and either split the list or you & your spouse meet with the other parent and choose who buys what. Same with the outfits and such, you buy this set amount and the other parent buys the same amount. It shouldn’t be difficult if you have a healthy co-parenting relationship! Read more

Like this Post? Prove it by Sharing it!
%d bloggers like this: