10 Ways To Tell Your Blended Family Your Pregnant Again
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Almost three years ago now, I was in this exact position and boy I wish I would of had these tips to help guide me!
My husband was a breeze to tell, we had discussed several times the option of having our own baby together. So even though the news was unexpected my husband and I were excited!
My two children that I had to tell, were only 3 & 4 at the time so that made it much easier. They were mainly laughing and saying how happy they were to have a baby!
However, if your kids and/or step kids are older and you need some tips, I would defiantly check this list out!!! Some of these would work even if your not a stepmom( and don’t have stepkids) and you are just telling your kids your pregnant.
10 Tips For Telling Your Blended Family(Mainly The Children)That Your Pregnant Again:
- Tell Your Spouse FIRST. Don’t ever tell the kids or your other family members before you tell your spouse. Chances are, even if they previously were not wanting more kids (or any kids), he would most likely feel hurt or betrayed if you were to tell anyone this huge news besides him. Having a baby is an intimate and special occasion and the two of you should celebrate together, first.
Give each other time to accept this news. If this is an unexpected pregnancy, meaning unplanned, most of the time, one of the two of you(sometime both) may not be automatically excited. Having a child, whether its your first or 5th child, is scary, EXCITING, but defiantly nerve-racking. If your spouse(or maybe you) aren’t over joyed about the news, give him (or yourself) time to accept it before proceeding to spill the beans.
Prepare how you will tell each child before hand (DO NOT WING IT). You may think I am joking but I’m not. Have you ever stood before toddlers or 5-10year olds and announced something like this? You will have a little bit of every emotion known to man expressed to you, a million(AND 1) relevant and/or unrelevant questions asked, and a lot of LOUD talking! You gotta prep for this one mama!
If your a believer I would reccomend to pray before this annoucement and pray HARD! If your not, ask friends or family for some good vibes to be sent your way-just because. Pray/hope for the right words to say, the right emotions to show, and basically how to handle whatever this chid (ren) are about to dish out, once they know.
This one can make this entire situation easier for you to handle at the moment. It can make the children who are more emotional, not feel so distraught about the new baby. Make a little surprise type gift so that the child feels like he/she is still special, and not being put to the side because of a new baby. This doesn’t mean go out and buy an exspensive gift, something small will do. I have even heard of expectant moms getting an extra copy of the ultrasound picture of the new baby and gave it to the child to have for themselves. (I have included a couple examples of gift ideas at the bottom of this post)
Tell them and then pause while they take it in. This may seem obvious however, when your in the moment it can be hard not to try to over explain or giving answers to questions they haven’t even asked yet. You may be surprised at how your child will actually feel about this new baby if given the chance.
Encourage Questions and Answer all of them in the best way you can (age appropriately). This is where the prep you did earlier will help you out. Make sure you have answers to questions you know they will probably have and make sure your answer is something your comfortable with.
Tell them they will be included in the entire process. A lot of kids, especially kids that are part of a blended family, may initially feel mad or jealous. Be sympathetic and remember they are having to deal with their original family being broken apart, a new parent figure that’s taking up their mom/dads attention, and usually additional new siblings that they must fight for attention with(or feel as if they do). If you ensure their involvement right from the start and include why their role is so important, hopefully they won’t feel so distraught about the situation. Even if they do feel that way at first, usually they will start to be excited eventually.
Ensure them they will be an awesome big sister/brother. Sometimes, kids feel like they won’t be good enough as an older sibling or that they will have to be responsible for the younger child. Make sure you explain that they will be a role model for the new baby and that is a very important and special role!
Assure them that you LOVE them and are in no way replacing them. This is an emotion A LOT of kids feel, whether in a blended family or not. Its especially true if the child is an only child. This is also a very normal emotion for this situation. No matter what you tell them, this feeling may reappear usually at the special events for the new baby:ultrasounds, baby showers, birth, dedications, etc. Just be patient and calm. This will pass with the childs age, and its only because the child loves you so much, he/she is scared of loosing you and your attention. The solution lays within making them feel constantly loved and secure.
As I am sure you, as a stepmom, are well aware of, being in a blended family is sometimes a difficult situation. Almost every situation that normal families deal with, tends to be harder in some degree for a blended family. Keep your head up step momma, things will get easier! And Congrats on the pregnancy(and blended family)!
Have you ever dealt with this situation? What are some tips you have that worked or that you wish you would of known? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts so feel free to leave your answers in the comment section below!
Check out these other post as well!
Have you been struggling with your new role as STEP MOM or with your blended family as a whole? As a new stepmom I often felt excluded and unappreciated, but I had to find a way to cope! Now, I want to share those ways with you! Enroll in my course, “Embracing Your Imperfect Perfectness As a Bonus Mom” and find your place as a Step Mom and learn to LOVE your new stepmom role! Click here to learn more!
Here are some example options for the older siblings small gift: