How to Properly Deal With Common Stepmom Stressors
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I remember when my husband and I were just STARTING our blended family.
There were so many new Stepmom Stressors that hit me, almost daily.
I never knew that many Stepmom Stressors existed but you find new ones all the time when you actually become a Stepmom(at least in the beginning)
I can recall this specific Stepmom Stressors more than others and I still have to deal with this one every time we meet someone new!
What is it? Oh ya know, that dreaded awkward question… how many kids do you have?
My brain naturally had a tiny panic attack every time I would be asked this question!
I wouldn’t panic because of anyone in my family but because Stepmoms are held under this massive double standard! One wrong word would leave me on the front page of the “bash Stepmoms mag”!!
I swear it exsist! Seriously though!
Let me give you little background on my stepfamily.
My husband and I have 3 children total, the oldest is my bio daughter, then its his bio son, and the youngest is ours together. In total our family is a family of 5! All of my kids call me mommy, and all of my kids call my spouse, daddy.
Now, the answer to this question of, “how many kids do I have” or some version of it could vary.
The various answers could be:
- I have two girls and a boy stepchild
- I have 2 bio children and 1 stepchild
- I have 2 children
- I have three children
In the eyes of these “ready to bash Stepmoms” haters, every one of those answers would have a negative effect!
If I was to answer with, I have two children or I have 2 bio children and 1 stepchild, then it seems like I don’t claim/love/care about my stepson.
If I choose to say I have 3 children(which I now do everytime, regardless), I would get that sermon about having so many kids so young. This would of course, be followed by the tons of unwanted questions.
[esp since my bio daughter and bonus son are only 14 months apart in age].
Another issue I have found by answering that I have 3 children is, those haters wonder why the kids have different last names.
With some people you just have to realize and accept that you can’t win no matter what!
So what is a stepmom supposed to do in that situation?
I include my husband in my answer, whether he is present or not! My answer would sound like this…
WE have three children! 2 girls and 1 boy[or vice versa].
Then, if they STILL need further clarifying (hopefully not but you know how people are) I continue with:
My husband and I have three kids, we both have a child from previous relationships and then we have one together.
After that, I am usually WAY past the talking mood and try to excuse myself out of that conversation before it gets any deeper!!
So what about you? Have you been faced with this specific stepmom stressor before? How did you deal with it? Let me know in the comments below!!
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