Are you a Full-time Bonus/ Stepmom?
What does it mean when I say full-time bonus/ Stepmom?
This means your in a situation where your not the “bio mom” but the actual bio mom is not in the picture at all, and your filling her shoes…entirely!
Well, this is what I am in addition to have two bio children of own, and let me tell you it is beyond hard.
At times it plain out sucks.
Now let me clarify, the filling her shoes part is not the part I’m referring to here as “sucking” at all! I love my bonus/ stepchild and I wouldn’t trade taking care of him, watching him grow, helping him learn, over anything!!
Through my eyes he(my stepchild) is just another one of my bio children.
It’s through realitys eyes, that it sucks.
If you are a full time Bonus/ Stepmom, does your bonus/ stepchild know his/her bio mom, are they old enough to remember?
Mine does and that’s where it gets hard!!
You see my stepsons bio mom would come in and out of his life, everytime promising him the world, and letting him do absolutely anything he wanted, while with her. She would let him run wild and praise him for it!
I am sure you can see how this would cause issues at our home when he came back!
So obviously when he would come back disobeying, showing out, throwing major tantrums at the first sign of being told what to do…. we knew why he would act that way, but it still wasn’t okay.
We would remind him of the rules of our house first but then if it continued he would get punished.
When he would end up being punished who do you think would get blamed for his “mistreating”?
Yep, me the full-time Stepmom.
I remember before we even really start ed on the discipline thing, I was potty training him and getting him off his paci that should of been long gone at 3 almost 4 years old.
Everytime she (the bio mom) would up and decide she wanted him one weekend and everything he had learned would be out of the window and seem to completely disapear. This would leave me to reteach him everything, along with caring for my two bio children.
I mean this is how bad it was. My stepchild would come back in diapers with a new paci and have no desire to “re-train” at the potty or anything! Let me remind you this is at 3 almost 4 years old!!
It was a nightmare. Stress like nothing you can actually explain in words.
While being a full time Bonus/ Stepmom let me tell you, you will get credit for nothing, feeling unappreciated seems like a major understatement. I am thankful my husband stands up for me!
Not that we want to be bragged on, because that’s defiantly not the case with me anyway.
But when you see how in and out the bio mom is(in my case) and when she (the bio mom) was “in” my stepchilds life, how corruptive she was to his well being and life! Yet he or any child at that age, would still choose her over you. Because face it, your not his bio mom and never will be.
That’s a very hard pill to swallow! So feeling appreciated or having your role noticed every now and then would be nice!
I know one day my stepson will see and know who was there, who took care of him every time he was sick, who did potty train him or help him learn to tie his shoes, who redecorated his room in a new theme everytime he got in a new phase, who taught him to use gel in his hair because he wanted to look handsome. My stepson will remember who cheered him on at his k5 graduation and who showed up to every mommy and me breakfast at school.
But somehow it still hurts in the now. Everytime the awkward subject comes up that I’m not his “real mom” its like a stab to the heart to this full-time Bonus/ Stepmom.
If you want or need help, advice, tips, resources, and/or want a support system as a stepmom, I encourage you to enroll in my course Stepmommin’ 101: The Ultimate Survival Guide for All Stepmoms!!