Communication Breakdown!

Is YOUR Relationship or  Marriage Hitting a Communication Breakdown

Communication problems.

It happens to the best of us!

Communication is such a weird thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred so easily, it’s almost unreal.

especially when true love and hard feelings are heavily involved. Even those who think that they are basically ‘immune’ to the conflict can find themselves in a fight over communication…real easy.

It usually happens when they least expect it, and chaos EXPLoDES!

We all need to realize just because we may be the one who handles the fight better, doesn’t mean we are better nOr “immune” to conflict.

I can remember this One specific weekend, My spouse told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I automatically lashed back in defense! (Uh-oh)

It was a silly little argument, esPEcially now,  looking back, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of perfume. But to me, it represented something much deeper! Something that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks.

I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be! I get worse when my partner has moved it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching for it.

Perfume, a sewing needle & thread, car keys, a stupid Tupperware container LID, covers for our outdoor chairs, these are examples of items being misplaced( and not by me) and instances where I had to turn the house upside-down.

A simple location answer from my spouse when these things were moved, would have saved me a lot of time and frustration.

BUT WHEN I FINALLY got an answer, do you what answer I got?

“You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

I was devastated, to say the least.

When I come home from work every day, I take the dog out and cook dinner (so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home). The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very particular about coming home to a tidy house.

I see this as a part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. Not to mention I make sure my kid’s homework is done, the baby is clean and cared for, and everything is taken care of for the next school/work day!

For my partner to imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt me!

I don’t expect his praise, but I do hope that my efforts get recognized and sometimes appreciated.

I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night.” I took that as ingratitude, and hurt me even more!

Where do we go from here?

My spouse felt guilty for coming home every night to the perfect household, where I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make my spouse feel guilty, but it seemed like it to him.

And this is where the communication fell apart. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication.

I needed my partner to keep me informed of his thoughts and feelings. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to that boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship makes us feel, and how we interpret each other’s contributions.

Just because something isn’t spoken about, doesn’t mean it’s not important. A relationship or marriage is not a competition, but for many couples, it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act in funny ways. Often stress and guilt are HUGE  barriers to communication. The key to overcoming these barriers is to recognize what it is and have the courage to talk about it.

You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

Thankfully, my partner and I,  got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t love him so much. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person.

You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing process begin.

This is a good lesson to learn, even for the experts’!

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