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Since in today’s times it seems like the world is against marriage and staying true to one another until death does us part, we( as on the ones who do honor our marriages) must do everything in our power to create a firm and lasting foundation for our marriage ever starts!
This all starts with yourself! Follow me as I take you to step by step through the ways to Reform Your Marriage!
So, let’s dive directly into Step 1, which is, Reforming Yourself.
You’re probably wondering why this is such a crucial part of building up a new blended family or in transforming your current one.
I’ve heard many people ask questions such as why the wife was the only one in her family who needed to reform herself, what about her husband? The children? Why don’t they need to reform themselves?
Think about it like this: when you are upset, (whether it’s sad, frustrated, hurt, or downright mad), how does your family react? Do your emotions tend to ‘rub off’ on them? Yes, of course, it does!
Have you ever noticed if you and the hubby are fussing, the way your kids will start fussing with one another also? Maybe not right away, but they will!
I know you’ve heard the saying,
If momma ain’t happy, no one is.
Or Happy Wife, Happy home?
These are actually true statements!
Take it for whatever it’s worth, but we moms are the backbone for our families. We are the nurtures the caregivers the supporters!
Our Family depends on us to be there for them, emotionally, physically, and mentally, whenever they need us.
Now, this isn’t to say that no one else in your family needsreforming, and I’m sure they all need a little adjusting here and there.
However, if you start with yourself, you will gain better insights as to why your husband or children act the way they do! This will help you to react to them in a way, that benefits everyone, positively!
So HOW do you begin reforming yourself?
If you want to Reform yourself, reform being defined as change, you have to start by being honest with yourself.
Ask yourself, “Why am I acting the way I am?” Is it truly something your husband or kids are provoking or is it something within yourself?
Are you truly happy with the woman you see in the mirror? Can you look at your reflection and say that you love yourself?
– as I covered thoroughly in my e-book, Loving Yourself First, is the absolute first step in any process that deals with reforming oneself, loving someone else, and really it’s the first step with anything dealing with love, in general.
This brings us to our next step: Forgiving Yourself
Whatever it is that drives you crazy about yourself-
that one big mistake, all the times you regret doing this or not doing that, or times in your life that you feel so shamed by
-all of those things, those places, situations, times, you have to let it ALL go!
Forgive yourself, ask God and others for forgiveness, and
Let. It. Go.
Remember, our Creator made all things perfect. If you’re a Christian think about this. Wouldn’t down or criticizing something God himself created and stated was perfectly made, be ultimately making fun of his Work?
Personally, it’s a bit scary to think about it like that, knowing how many times I have uttered horrible things about myself in the past.
He has and continues to, sacrifice so much for us, yet we dare to insult him by not loving ourselves, and not being grateful he created us, to begin with!?
Next, you must stop comparing yourself to other moms or other women in general!
Doing this causes you nothing but harm! Each of us was created to be unique, meaning, we are not supposed to be the same as everyone else!
We all grew up on different paths, we were taught different ways and at different speeds, we went through different circumstances. I could go on forever about our differences, but the bottom line doesn’t change. We were meant to be different!! Why some people treat it as a disease or a reason to be picked on, I probably won’t ever understand!
Being different or being at a different point in your life is, natural. Just because one mom has her life and family seemingly “in order” for 1) doesn’t mean her life is actually in order. Many people only show the good side of their lives to others and 2.) She could have taken a different route than you, was faced with different obstacles or none at all, or maybe she started on the task of getting her family in order long before you did.
It doesn’t really matter the way, and it doesn’t really matter if anyone is ahead or behind in this. Comparing yourself to others will only slow you down and bring you into a level of negativity you don’t need now or ever!
Moving on, you have to make time for yourself!
Self-care is so important for Moms! Not just Bonus or Blended moms, self-care needs to be utilized by all of us!
Don’t see taking time for you, as being selfish either! If we are not caring for ourselves then we cannot effectively care for our families! That is more selfish than taking a few moments to fix us when we can.
And, especially when we NEED to!
Finally, the last but not least step: Reaching Out!
In my book, I mention the importance of reaching out. Any type, stage, age, any version of motherhood can (and at times will) be overwhelming and chaotic. Since becoming a mom, you may not have those “besties” to run to or call in the middle of the night.
I know for me, then, further along, I got into motherhood, the faster my “so-called” friends disappeared!
Ladies, this is SUCH an Important part so PLEASE read this part!!!
If you feel you need to reach out to someone, whether it’s by venting, seeking advice, or suggestions. Whether its needing feedback on a decision, letting you cry or scream the issue out or just having someone try to talk you through a situation. Whatever it isplease don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you can trust!
If you don’t have anyone you can go to, or maybe their is someone but they make you feel judged or unimportant. Whatever the issue is, whatever the reason is, if you need someone to reach out too, please know I am here!
The main reason I created this website was to help struggling stepmoms through this tough part of life. I went through so many bad times and for alot of them, I went alone! I don’t want any of you to ever feel like you have to go through this, any of this, alone!
I have two ways you can reach out to me and other Bonus Moms (stepmoms): 1) email me- this is for the more important or private needs and 2) connect with me on Facebook “A Blended Momma”, I have a spot where you can request to join my Facebook Group which is called Your Bonus Mom Tribe, and if everything checks out(as in your actually a stepmom and agree to the rules) I will invite you and accept you to the group!
This exclusive and very private group will be your free space, your source, for venting or seeking advice, resources, meeting new bonus mom friends, 24/7. All these benefits, at no cost to you!
The best part is, this is a judgefree zone for Bonus(step), and Blended mothers only! Therefore, no need to be shy or feel inferior. All the women that will be in this group, will be just like you!
With the devastating statics we face as Bonus (Moms) we really have to give our marriage everything we got! The world may not care about the sacredness of marriage, but I know I do, and I know many of you do as well!
One family at a time, one (Bonus)momma at a time, we change today’s statics and show our children what TRUE love looks like!!
Want to sign up for a TOTALLY FREE 5 Day Self Care Course for MOMS?? (That’s Bio AND Bonus Moms!!!) Irs simple just enter your details below!