Are you a NEW Stepmom or FUTURE Stepmom
Well, let me start by saying, congratulations and also by saying a quick, bless your sweetheart!!
Ahh…Where do I begin?
What should you expect as a new Stepmom… do you mean besides your entire life changing?
Well first off, I would have to say, that most of these depend on what age the child is when he or she meets you and you become the Stepmom, and also it would depend on the relationship that child has with his or her bio mom.
LET’S START WITH MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
My experience includes a 3-year-old who had:
- never been really disciplined
- a bio mom that had walked out and only popped in to cause MAJOR WRECKAGE -(even to the point of kidnapping…yes I’m not joking)
Nevertheless, this woman was this child’s Bio mom and it didn’t matter if she would have been, “mom of the year” or the EXACT OPPOSITE…she was indeed, that little boy’s whole world, just as any little boys mom is and should be.
Fortunately, for me, I knew this child long before I actually became the Stepmom (I’ll have to explain in a different blog post lol) so the “stranger effect” didn’t apply for my situation.
- Although, you should defiantly prepare for the “Stranger Effect” before becoming the Stepmom! Here is an awesome post on this subject.
The list of things that DID apply to me, however, is not a short and always sweet one! I’ve provided that for you below!
- Showing out- BIG TIME! I’m talking about preparing for tantrums like you wouldn’t believe. Kicking, hitting, throwing things, in my experience as he got older, he would try to make himself throw up and even went as far as choking himself. (Omg, yes I know) We started getting calls at daycare concerning his behavior as well.
Prepare for showing out, it is a way for a child to express themselves when they don’t know how. This is a perfect time and chance to start teaching the child how to properly express themselves and understand communication.
- The child being abnormally clingy- In my personal experience, my stepson would be abnormally(my spouse found) clingy towards his dad. This literally took a HUGE toll on our (very) NEW relationship. Even though I knew it just his son’s way of feeling secure, I couldn’t help but think things like,”Isn’t this supposed to be a time of love? You know, our honeymoon stage“.
But I learned very quickly that was just another thing you DO NOT get the benefit of having when you choose to date and/or marry someone who has a kid! So keep that in mind, you won’t have much alone time with your partner as a Stepmom if he has younger children.
- Prepare for Jealousy(and issues spawning from it)
- Prepare for Stress, Stress, and More Stress
I had to constantly remind myself that, “this would pass! I felt horrible for being so upset inside when he was only dealing with things the only way he knew how too. I had to forgive myself( and you probably will too) for that because my feelings were only natural and I am also only human.
- Prepare to learn how to DEAL- you need to be prepared to learn how to simply DEAL. Deal with everything, all at once. The misbehavior, the clinginess, the jealousy, and smaller things such as being ” titled” whatever your stepchild chooses to call you (i’ll explain this later). You can’t let all of these things or any other things that happen(and they will) get the best of you. You have to learn to DEAL.
- Prepare for Untrue Accusations- you need to prepare for this especially if you have a bio child who is in this situation. Go ahead and prepare yourself to be accused of constant favoritism, picking fights, and so forth. This is especially true in the beginning. Kids will do things to try and split sides, you and your spouse HAVE to show the kids that you are a The Survival Guide For EVERY Stepmoms
- Prepare for Arguments(probably a lot)- be prepared to have fights made for you by both your stepkid or bio kids between you and your spouse. Once you all have established and began bonding with one another, this should stop.
- Prepare for Lying– Be prepared to hear both your stepkids and bio kids start lies or startup problems “just because “. Just as with arguments, this too should stop soon.
- Prepare for Stepmom STRESSORS– see this post here on this
- Prepare to be Over-Emotional– trust me there will entirely TOO many days where you feel like an emotional wreckage & it is OKAY. This will pass just like all the rest did(or will!) Take a breather and focus on you for a little bit!
- Prepare for Judgement: This is one of the things, I am NOT sure actually gets better with time. The way (non)Stepmoms judge us Stepmoms is pure shameful, at times. Be prepared for it, because it will happen.
You have to look past this & LET IT GO! Yes, just like the Disney Movie Frozen! Lol
The above issues are just a few of the MANY things you should prepare for as a New or Future Stepmom!
Don’t let these things scare you away from being a Stepmom though!
I can help you throughout the entire process!
I have 3 courses that are the perfect solution to any of the above issues! You can see all 3 and what each of them can offer you by clicking here!
As you can see, some of the things you’ll go through, DO get better.
Just be sure to stay consistent and no matter how bad things get, as a Stepmom ALWAYS show compassion, support and forgiveness and let your blended family know that you’ll never leave them.
Now I want to hear from YOU!
What kind of things did you have to deal with in the beginning or throughout your time as a Stepmom? Leave a comment below!
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