How to Transform Yourself from A Single Mom to a Bonus aka Stepmom!
Are you a new or future Stepmom who was previously a Single Mom? If you are, then the post is for you!
Take a peek into my life today!
Today, like most days, you’ll see me juggling three kids, that all call me mommy, in all of our days to day schedules, outings, and such.
One of these children is my 8-year-old blonde (not so little) girl, who is literally my mini-me, in looks and behavior!
Next, is my 6 (almost 7) year old boy (stepchild), who is tan skinned, brown hair and getting taller by the minute. Weird but I have people tell me even he favors me.
Last but never least is another little blonde (a tad darker) haired little girl, who looks just like her sister did when she was that age that is a just a whole bunch of spunk!
These three follow me everywhere and want everything I do and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them!
You are probably wondering where my husband is, well he is a roofer and leaves very early in the mornings and works until dark. He is a very hard worker and the four of us are blessed to have him!
However, not too many years ago I was right where you are: a single mom(to a beautiful cotton top baby girl). Take a look!
I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant and 19 when I had my first bio child. During my pregnancy months and even after, I struggled alot!
There were many times I was actually homeless, yes homeless! At times, I would have to feel like a bum asking my friends if I could sleep on their couches, other times I would sleep in my car.
In other words, times were often tough! My bio child’s sperm donor was just that. As soon as an actual baby was mentioned, he was gone!
He would only come back into my life, when he wanted to erupt a volcano of destruction in my life, which I (being desperate for his “love” and “presence”)at the time, allowed him to, too many times!
The situation always ended with me feeling more worthless, defeated, insecure, and lost than the time before.
Despite all of that, I made it through, after several “no good” attempts at living arrangements (tell you that story another day) I finally settled into my own government-funded housing townhouse. (No shame here, everyone needs help sometimes!) It was in the bad part of town but I actually had no problems what so ever. I continued on with my family. As a Single mom, you live life solely for your child.
Eventually, I got a job which paid all the bills, and I cannot express the feeling I had when I could finally afford my baby girls entire Christmas on my own! It was one of the best feelings ever!
As a single mom, I worried about my child and then myself, and that was it.
I made sure the bills were paid, she was fed and had everything she needed and then I did the same for myself. I didn’t have anyone else to worry about at the time. Therefore, with any extra money that we had, I and my daughter would go out and do things we enjoyed doing.
We didn’t have to ask anyone else what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to go or worry about how anyone else felt and so forth. It was just me and her, for what seemed like an eternity! And while she got alot of what she wanted she was a VERY well behaved and well-mannered child naturally.
I will admit I treated her as a best friend alot in those days when I should have treated her as my daughter, but at the time I didn’t ever see things changing to where it wouldn’t be just me and her anymore and I let a lot slide.
Overall, after the and throughout the tough times I became a stronger woman and my child and I bonded tremendously!
Fast forward to when my (now) husband started dating, and take a peek!
So my husband had his bio child full-time with my stepson’s bio mom jumping in and out of my stepson’s life as she pleased. You can basically say she was the female version of my child’s sperm donor.
I’m sure you can guess as an early 20-year-old man raising a 2-year-old son alone, is not going to discipline that son very much or hard. Especially, when he (my spouse) was still holding onto the guilt of his son not having a mom around, even though the situation was certainly out of his control.
His son(my stepson was babied (big time, and yes my spouse will admit it) and my stepson was WILD.
When we first got together, we often times would fuss about the children’s discipline. Honestly alot of times I would find myself feeling guilty and jealous for my child because I wouldn’t let her get away with things by stepson would get away with. However, I don’t regret it now, because she knows right from wrong.
The kids would fuss because they would be jealous of one another. This was defiantly expected though seeing as though they were both only children to single parents before.
We dealt with grandparents picking favorites and had to both put a stop to that. We dealt with bio moms and bio dads trying to start trouble. Honestly, it feels like we went through every battle that should have torn our family apart but it didn’t. Because of all of that we are a strong united family!
I never told or asked my stepson to call me mom, my daughter was never told or asked to call my husband dad. Both children remember their bio parents, and both choose to rise above their situations and embrace the family they have.
Back to present day, you wouldn’t ever know that we are a blended family or the things we have gone through by looking at us.
You will not convince my two older children that they are not brother and sister. They fuss like cats and dogs but let anyone come in between them and they will stick up for one another faster than I have seen true siblings do. They both are very territorial over their baby sister as well!
You won’t see just my stepson with his dad separated from me and my daughter. You will see us all interacting as a blended family. All of our kids call me mommy and my spouse daddy and if asked they will tell you they all feel loved equally by each of us which is how I believe a blended family should be!
How to make this transition easiest begins by enrolling in my course The Survival Guide For EVERY Stepmoms
This course takes you through every single step of becoming a Stepmom and actually being a Stepmom, even how to be and have a successful blended family. My course provides you with activities to participate in with your spouse and children. It also has activities just for you the Stepmom!
This course is designed for new and existing Stepmoms! It can help and benefit all stepfamilies at any stage you’re in of blending your family!
Becoming a Stepmom is a process that usually proves to hold many struggles and stressors no matter if you’re transitioning from a single mom divorced or windowed mom or a single woman who never even had her own kids, it’s hard!
But remember why you took the leap to begin with, remember that through all the bad who your battling for that man you love and those kids that are your everything… breathe…and stick it out!
Better days are coming momma! But do not for a second think it’s easy!
But the great thing about the fact of you reading this post is, you now have a friend and a go-to person to come to with questions, vents, struggles, or when you just need a listening ear or a story from my life to relieve you that it’s not “you”
This is why I’m here! If you are or now anyone struggling with the transition from being a Single mom into a Stepmom, or any parts before, in between, or after please feel free to reach out!
You are not alone!
Do you have any tips or stories related to this post? I would LOVE to hear them! Please share your thoughts with us all below!
Also, please feel free to download my FREE Printable to help you and your family adjust to being a blended family, new or not! Its quick and easy and you’ll be directed directly to your Free Printable!
Are we friends on Facebook yet? Join myself along with other Stepmoms in my private stepmom group by clicking here.