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How to Transition From a Single Mom to A Blended Mom with Ease!!!

Transitioning from a single mom into a Stepmom

How to Transform Yourself from A Single Mom to a Bonus aka Stepmom!

Are you a new or new-ish Bonus/ Stepmom who was previously a single mom? If you are, then  post is for you!

Take a peek into my life today!

 

Today, like most days, you’ll see me juggling three kids, that all call me mommy, in all of our day to day schedules, outings, and such.

One of these children is my 8 year old blonde (not so little) girl, who is literally my mini me, in looks and behavior! Next, is my 6 (almost 7) year old boy (stepchild), who is tan skinned, brown hair and getting taller by the minute. Weird but I have people tell me even he favors me. Last but never least is another little blonde (tad darker) haired little girl who looks just like her sister did when she was that age that is a just a whole bunch of spunk!

These three follow me everywhere and want to everything I do and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them! You are probably wondering where my husband is, well he is a roofer and leaves very early in the mornings and works until dark. He is a very hard worker and the four of us are blessed to have him!

However, not to many years ago I was right where you are: a single mom(to a beautiful cotton top babygirl). Take a look!

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant and 19 when I had my first bio child. During my pregnancy months and even after, I struggled alot!

There were many times I was actually homeless, yes homeless! At times, I would have to feel like a bum asking my friends if I could sleep on their couches, other times I would sleep in my car.

In other words times were often tough! My bio childs sperm donor, was just that. As soon as an actual baby was mentioned, he was gone! 

He would only come back into my life, when he wanted to erupt a volcano of destruction in my life, which I (being desperate for his “love” and “presence”)at the time, allowed him to, too many times! 

The situation always ended with me feeling more worthless, defeated, insecure, and lost than the time before.

 Despite all of that, I made it through, after several “no good” attempts at living arraingments (tell you that story another day) I finally settled into my own government funded housing townhouse. (No shame here, everyone needs help sometimes!) It was in the bad part of town but I actually had no problems what so ever. I continued on with my family. As a Single mom you live life soley for your child.

Eventually, I got a job which paid all the bills, and I cannot exspress the feeling I had when I could finally afford my babygirls entire Christmas on my own! It was one of the best feelings ever!

As a single mom I worried about my child and then myself, and that was it.

I made sure the bills were paid, she was fed and had everything she needed and then I did the same for myself. I didn’t have anyone else to worry about at the time. Therefore, with any extra money that we had, me and my daughter would go out and do things we enjoyed doing.

We didn’t have to ask anyone else what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to go, or worry about how any one else felt and so forth. It was just me and her, for what seemed like eternity! And while she got alot of what she wanted she was a VERY well behaved and well mannered child naturally.

I will admit I treated her as a best friend alot in those days when I should of treated her as my daughter, but at the time I didn’t ever see things changing to where it wouldn’t be just me and her anymore and I let a lot slide.

Overall, after the and throughout the tough times I became a stronger woman and my child and I bonded tremendously!

Fast forward to when my (now) husband started dating, and take a peek!

So my husband had his bio child full-time with my stepsons bio mom jumping in and out of my stepsons life as she pleased. You can basically say she was the female version of my childs sperm donor.

I’m sure you can guess as an early 20 year old man raising a 2 year old son alone, is not going to discipline that son very much or hard. Especially, when he (my spouse) was still holding onto the guilt of his son not having a mom around, even though the situation was certainly out of his control.

His son(my stepson was babied (big time, and yes my spouse will admit it) and my stepson was WILD.

When we first got together, we often times would fuss about the childrens discipline. Honestly alot of times I would find myself feeling guilty amd jealouse for my child because I wouldn’t let her get away with things by stepson would get away with. However I don’t regret it now, because she knows right from wrong.

Eventually we (my spouse and I) did get on the same page disciplining wise as well.

The kids would fuss because they wouldbe jealouse of one another. This was defiantly exspected though seeing as though they were both only children to single parents before.

We dealt with grandparents picking favorites and had to both put a stop to that. We dealt with bio moms and bio dads trying to start trouble. Honestly it feels like we went through every battle that should of torn our family apart but it didn’t. Because of all of that we are a strong united family!

I never told or asked my stepson to call me mom, my daughter was never told or asked to call my husband dad. Both children remember their bio parents, and both choose to rise above their situations and embrace the family they have.

Back to present day, you wouldn’t ever know that we are a blended family or the things we have went through by looking at us. 

You will not convience my two older  children that they are not brother and sister.  They fuss like cats and dogs but let anyone come in between them and they will stick up for one another faster than I have saw true siblings do. They both are very territorial over their baby sister as well!

You won’t see just my stepson with his dad separated from me and my daughter. You will see us all interacting as a blended family. All of our kids call me mommy and my spouse daddy and if asked they will tell you they all feel loved equally by each of us which is how I believe a blended family should be!

How to make this transition easiest begins by enrolling in my course Stepmommin 102: The Ultimate Survival Guide For All Stepmoms

This course takes you through every single step of becoming a Stepmom and actually being a Stepmom, even how to be and have a successful blended family. My course provides you with activities to participate in with your spouse and children.  It also has activities just for you the Stepmom!

This course is designed for new and exsisting Stepmoms! It can help and benefit all stepfamilies at any stage your in of blending your family!

The next step is to join my new private stepmom community which I call The Bonus Mom Club, because at any stage of Step-Motherhood you NEED a support system! This community will provide that support system for you! When you enroll in my course you will recieve a FREE month enrollment in The Bonus Mom Club!

 

 Becoming a Stepmom is a process that usually proves to hold many struggles and   stressors no matter if your  transitioning from a single mom divorced or windowed mom, or a single woman who never even had her own kids, it’s hard!

But remember why you took the leap to begin with, remember that through all the bad who your battling for: that man you love and those kids that are your everythings… breathe…and stick it out!

Better days are coming momma! But do not for a second think it’s easy!

But the great thing about the fact of you  reading this post  is, you now have a friend and a go-to person to come to with questions, vents, struggles, or when you just need a listening ear or a story from my life to relieve you that it’s not “you”

This is why I’m here! If you are or now anyone struggling with the transition from being a Single mom into a Stepmom , or any parts before, in between, or after please feel free to reach out!

You are not alone!

Do you have any tips or stories related to this post? I would LOVE to hear them! Please share your thoughts with us all below!

Also, please feel free to download my FREE Printable to help you and your family adjust to being a blended family,  new or not! Its quick and easy and you’ll be directed directly to your Free Printable!

 

 

 

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How I deal with stepmom stressors

How I Introduce My Blended Family to Strangers and Why This Was a Huge Stepmom Stressor in the Beginning!!

How to Properly Deal With Common Stepmom Stressors

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STEPMOM STRESSORS

I remember when my husband and I were just STARTING our blended family.

There were so many new Stepmom Stressors that hit me, almost daily. 

I never knew that many Stepmom Stressors existed but you find new ones all the time when you actually become a Stepmom(at least in the beginning)

I can recall this specific Stepmom Stressors more than others and I still  have to deal with this one every time we meet someone new!

What is it? Oh ya know, that dreaded awkward question… how many kids do you have? 

My brain naturally had a tiny panic attack every time I would be asked this question!

I wouldn’t panic because of anyone in my family but because Stepmoms are held under this massive double standard! One wrong word would leave me on the front page of the “bash Stepmoms mag”!!

I swear it exsist! Seriously though!

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Let me give you little background on my stepfamily.

My husband and I have 3 children total, the oldest is my bio daughter, then its his bio son, and the youngest is ours together. In total our family is a family of 5! All of my kids call me mommy, and all of my kids call my spouse, daddy.

Now, the answer to this question of, “how many kids do I have” or some version of it could vary.

The various answers could be:

  • I have two girls and a boy stepchild
  • I have 2 bio children and 1 stepchild
  • I have 2 children
  • I have three children

In the eyes of these “ready to bash Stepmoms” haters, every one of those answers would have a negative effect! 

If I was to answer with, I have two children or I have 2 bio children and 1 stepchild,  then it seems like I don’t claim/love/care about my stepson.

If I choose to say I have 3 children(which I now do everytime, regardless), I would get that sermon about having so many kids so young. This would of course, be followed by the  tons of unwanted questions.

[esp since my bio daughter and bonus son are only 14 months apart in age].

Another issue I have found by answering that I have 3 children is, those haters wonder why the kids have different last names.

With some people you just have to realize and accept that you can’t win no matter what!

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So what is a stepmom supposed to do in that situation?

I include my husband in my answer, whether he is present or not! My answer would sound like this…

WE have three children! 2 girls and 1 boy[or vice versa]. 

Then, if they STILL need further clarifying (hopefully not but you know how people are) I continue with:

My husband and I have three kids, we both have a child from previous relationships and then we have one together. 

After that, I am usually WAY past the talking mood and try to excuse myself  out of  that conversation before it gets any deeper!

So what about you? Have you been faced with this specific stepmom stressor before? How did you deal with it? Let me know in the comments below!!

Want more advice and strategies for everything Stepmom related? Check out my course designed specifically for Stepmoms here!

This course was created using the topics, issues, and lessons learned from my personal Stepmom journey! I show you exactly how I transformed my entire life and started being able to love and enjoy my role as a Stepmom, everyday! Let me help you do the same today!

Like this post? Check these out as well:

How a Mom & Stepmom Saves Money for her Family of 5

Coping with Divorce When Its Your ONLY Option

Stepmom Coaching Sessions & One on One Programs Now Avaiable!

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Co-parenting & Custody Battles Made SIMPLE! Discover the Secret to Stop the Nightmares of Co-parenting!

OurFamilyWizard can help you, learn more now.

Discover the Secret Stepmoms All Around Are Dying to Know About Making Co-parenting and Shared Custody Easy!!

**NOTE this page contains affiliate links clink here to see my full disclosure 

 

Your probably wondering what secret am I referring to by now huh?

I don’t think I would be very wrong by stating that learning to co-parent and deal with all the outcomes that come with sharing custody of your child with someone else, is one the HARDEST battles to overcome. This becomes even more difficult when the other parent doesn’t see things your way. Agreeing, compromising, sucking up ones pride and ego are just some of obstacles that have to be addressed.

So when one is faced with this battle, there is no wonder they try to discover the secret that can make seemingly impossible co-parenting and custody battles, possible.

Today, I am going to give you the answer to the secret stepmoms from all around are dying to know!

P.S. OFW= OurFamilyWizard

Whether you are divorced, separated, or never married, shared parenting has never been easier to manage. With OurFamilyWizard’s tools, you can document your parenting arrangements. Track parenting time, organize your family vital information, send messages, share journals, and much more.

Keep the focus on your children without putting them in the middle.

OurFamilyWizard can help you, learn more now.

 Children should never be used as messengers for their parents. OFW can help you to keep your children at the centre of your shared parenting without putting them in the middle of conflict.
 

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OurFamilyWizard’s tools empower parents to reduce conflict, remove the “he said/she said”, and reach resolutions on their own. As a result, OFW is court ordered in contested cases throughout the United States and Canada.
 

Back to School Tips for Co-Parents from the OurFamilyWizard website.

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OFW tools make scheduling parenting time easy.

Keep extended family in the loop with just the right amount of access.

Grandparents, step-parents, aunts, uncles, and other child caregivers need to be kept informed, too. OFW makes it easy to grant just enough access to keep these individuals informed without compromising information to be kept just between the parents.

OurFamilyWizard can help you, learn more now.Keep your children out of the middle of your divorce.

Shared parenting can be improved by using the OurFamilyWizard website.

Shared parenting doesn’t have to be difficult. The right support and tools can help. OurFamilyWizard equips co-parents with a powerful tool set for managing shared parenting arrangements and family information across multiple homes. OFW can even help with difficult situations where there is restricted parental contact, as in the case with orders for protection, restraining orders and non-contact orders.  Protect your privacy and keep the other parent informed about your child.

Grandparents are welcome on the OurFamilyWizard website.

OurFamilyWizard is a living parenting plan.

OFW lets you track divorce communications, parenting time calendars, shared expenses, and more. Every page documents the last time each parent viewed it, and every entry is stamped with who made the entry and when. Access to your information is available from anywhere with the OFW mobile apps for iOS and Android. When you need to compile records for court, OFW makes it simple to customize clear printouts and downloadable reports of your information. 

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What about you? What do you struggle most with on Co-Parenting or custody battles? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

 

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