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Bonus Mom is the category for stepmoms from all around! Every post that mentions or pertains to Stepmoms and Bonus Mom will be found here.

I made the category like this to ensure all of you stepmoms never missed a post even if the term stepmom wasn’t used but Bonus Mom was.

Some of the post may be found in this category as well as other categories if the post contains content intended for different types of readers.

Start Reading everything in the Bonus Mom Category now, right here!

Discovering who you really are! Learning to live life for YOU!

Learn How To Discover The Real You And Create A Brighter Future Today!


Learn How To Discover The Real You And Create A Brighter Future Today!

Learning who you truly are and accepting that person! Start living for you and create a brighter future for yourself!

Embracing Your Imperfect Perfectness: Learning to LOVE & Live for the TRUE YOU!

A course teaching ALL woman:

HOW to discover the REAL you,

ACCEPT & LOVE that woman,

Start Living Wholeheartedly for the real YOU,

Following me through the “Starting Over” process & then creating your OWN

Flash Sale 07/09-07/15
FLASH SALE HAPPENING **RIGHT NOW** 07/09-07/15 ALL 3 COURSES ARE MAJORLY DISCOUNTED

Learn what the 3 C’s in life Area, & HOW to practice each one daily

Learn how to live your BEST life possible

See HOW to care for YOU + get a FREE Bonus on this topic!

& SO MUCH MORE!

ENROLL TODAY!

Who would actually want to be IMperfect?

Who would want to spend their entire life being unhappy?

 

Live life as the true you and what you truly love! Don't allow predefined versions of yourself, cloud the real and beautiful woman you are inside! Be free to be you!

The answer technically would be no one.

But, that is what you are likely to do if you are always in search of perfection or you search for acceptance or approval from everyone in order to find HAPPINESS IN LIFE.

Here, imperfection is NOT defined as the opposite of perfection…

Imperfection here is rather a “freedom from perfection”.

That is what we all ultimately want – to be free from the chains of unrelenting perfection or acceptance.

Instead of searching for the nonexistent perfection, you should learn to fly on the wings that you have been given.

This is NOT referring to the ones that you believe everyone wants you to have or you believe you need to be “enough“. 

It’s time to let go and just “be” you.

It’s not as easy as it sounds! It’s probably one of the harder things in life.

Self-help books and courses similar to this, always talk about letting go, but they never quite get to the instruction part.

That’s one main way this course is different. We go step by step through the ENTIRE PROCESS start to finish! 

We all want to rise above the stigma that is grasping at us, day after day, for an unattainable perfection in every area of our lives.

You probably wonder,”Obviously, some people have reached that point or they wouldn’t be writing books about it, right?”

Heck no!

I created this course to help you because I have been through this battle already. 

Unfortunately, I also faced most of this battle ALONE.  I would never want anyone to go through that alone(or period, if I can help it) like I did.

That’s the MAIN reason I created this course!

I’m in, Sign Me Up!

We ALL need support and encouragement in times like this, which is what you’ll get plenty of throughout this course!

What exactly will I learn from this course? Great question! 

First, you’ll be given access to a FREE downloadable workbook. This workbook will guide you and go alongside the content throughout the whole course!

Here is a brief summary of what you’ll learn:

  • WHY you may need a Start Over in your life, HOW to decide, and a step by step on the entire Starting Over Process
  • Learn HOW to find the out who the REAL YOU is &  How to Accept & Love that person.
  • See HOW to start Living Wholeheartedly for YOU
  • See the true WORTH & IMPORTANCE you have
  • The Pre-Defined you VS the REAL you
  • Learn the steps to TRANSFORM your life & Start living the BEST life possible!
  • SO MUCH MORE!!

Being a woman is HARD enough without any added triggers! It’s time for you, to remember who YOU are, what YOUR worth and start living a life you can truly LOVE and ENJOY!

Don’t miss out on this awesome course that is actually more of an opportunity than a mere “course”, and it’s ALL for you…

YES, SIGN ME UP!

As an enrolled student, you will also receive TONS of bonuses, printables, and activities. Discussion questions are also available…all to help ensure YOUR PERSONAL SUCCESS!!

IM READY TO SIGN UP

This course is designed to HELP  WOMAN from all around who may be struggling like I once did! 

This is YOUR chance to START OVER in life and create an entirely NEW FUTURE!!

So what is the price point on a NEW HAPPIER, ALL-AROUND BETTER LIFE AND FUTURE? 

Honestly, before I used this content in my OWN life, I would have given ANYTHING for a new life, but especially a GOOD NEW ONE!

Fortunately for you, the cost isn’t anywhere near everything! In fact, right now the cost is EVEN LOWER than normal!

If you enroll in Embracing your Imperfect Perfectness today, you won’t pay the regular price of $125.

NOPE!

Enroll today, and you will only pay the one-time LOW PRICE of ONLY $75.00!

ENROLL TODAY HERE

Still not completely convinced this course is for YOU?

Let me lay it out plain and clear for you! This course is right for you if: 

  • Your a woman struggling with Self-esteem, Self-image and/or Self-worth issues of any kind!
  • Your a woman is just plain out TIRED  of being UNHAPPY
  • Your a woman who wants to feel like herself again
  • Your a woman who wants a chance at living a happier, healthier, less stressful life that she truly loves and enjoys!

As amazing as this course is, it is NOT for everyone! So allow me to lay that out clearly as well!

This course is NOT for you if: 

  • You feel Happy & Completely Satisfied with your life, AS IS!
  • You have NO Insecurities about yourself, and you are fully Confident
  • You don’t want or need a happier, healthier, less stressful life you would LOVE and enjoy!

Or will you let this course and another precious day and allow yourself to continue feeling hopeless and forgotten? Or worse?

The choice is yours! But I do hope you choose wisely!

SIGN UP HERE

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What its like to be a New Full-time Stepmom & Bio Mom!!

Are you a New Full-time  Stepmom & Bio Mom?

What do I mean when I say full-time Stepmom & Bio Mom, exactly?

This term refers to a situation where you are already a Bio Mom and additionally the relationship you are in will include your spouse’s Bio Kids. This now makes you both a Bio Mom AND a Stepmom! 

The full-time part of the term, is, however, an entirely different story.

In this particular situation, you are fully aware of your new status(both a Bio Mom and a Stepmom), you also are well aware of the fact that you are NOT the stepchild’s “real Bio Mom“.

However, there is now a NEW reality you are being faced with… the stepchild’s actual Bio Mom is not in the picture at all(ever or any more, or only occasionally), and you now have to fill her shoes entirely as well as your own Bio Mom shoes!

Well, that is EXACTLY what happened to me! ( I will be mainly focusing on the being a full-time Stepmom part because I feel like the Bio Mom part is obvious!)

I went into my relationship with the mindset and determination to be a good Bio Mom and good ” normalStepmom. To tell you that my “world was turned upside down” when I faced my new reality, I believe would be quite an understatement!

In addition to a having two Bio children of my own, I now had to figure out how to be my stepchild’s “full-time stepmom” as well!

Let me tell you, this task is beyond hard!!

I won’t lie or sugar coat the situation, at times my “new reality” plain out SUCKED.

🚨I want to briefly stop and clarify some things before I go any further, I don’t want you to start thinking the wrong idea about me.🚨

The “filling her shoes” part of this situation is NOT the part I’m referring to here as “sucking“, NOT at all!

 I absolutely LOVE my stepchild and I wouldn’t trade my time taking care of him, watching him grow, helping him learn, or anything else I have done, over ANYTHING!!  Through MY eyes, my stepchild is just another one of my Bio children & he ALWAYS will be.

It’s the REALITIES of the situation, that makes this suck and what makes this situation to be so hard!

How I deal with stepmom stressors

Let me ask you this…

If you are a full-time Stepmom, does your stepchild know his/her Bio Mom, in another word, is he/ she old enough to remember his/her Real Bio Mom”?

Well, my stepchild was old enough to remember (barely) and this is where the full-time stepmom” role gets tricky!!

You see, my stepson’s Bio Mom would come in and out of his life. When she would get him, she would promise him the world(I am talking about crazy & extravagant things) and she would allow him to do(and act) absolutely ANYTHING(& anyway) he wanted to do (good or bad) while he was with her.

She would allow my stepson to (literally) run wild and to make matters worse, she would praise him for his wild, destructive, & bad behaviors!

I am sure you all can see how the Bio Moms actions with my stepson would cause issues with our “blended” family, when my stepson would come home.

 

Not suprisingly, when my stepson would first arrive back home with us, he would immediately start disobeying, showing out, & throwing major tantrums at the first sign of being told what to do. Additionally, he would always be super cranky and wired to the MAX!

Another obvious factor was that my spouse & I knew WHY my stepson was acting that way, but we also knew that his behavior was NOT okay.

For the first few “scenes” my stepson would make, my spouse & I would simply remind him of our homes rules  & the consequences of breaking those rules. If that didn’t work and he continued to disobey or act out, we would have to punish(age/action appropriately of course) him.

(**SIDE NOTE: The rules had been defined and made clear to each child long before this happened! This a CRUCIAL step to laying a strong foundation for your entire blended family by the way.)

When my spouse & I would end up having to punish my stepson (despite our reminders and warnings), WHO do you think (eventually)would get blamed for his so-called.. mistreating”? 

You guessed it, ME the full-time Stepmom. Me, the woman who is also a Bio Mom & who has 2 kids watching this horrific behavior. Those two kids, also knowing we don’t allow behavior like that in our home, and those kids knowing that if either of them acted that way, the punishment was for sure coming!

It would have neither been right or fair, if my spouse and I were to allow his bad behavior to continue or to go seemingly unnoticed. (no matter what the hidden reasoning may be.)

(**SIDE NOTE: I believe children have to be taught how to properly cope with life situations, not allowed to cause havoc in place of learning to deal with!)

 

  I can remember before my spouse & I, even ” completely”  started on the whole discipline thing, I was potty training my stepson and trying to get him “off” the paci (things that SHOULD have been taught and gotten rid of by the age of 3 almost 4 years old).

Every time the Bio Mom would randomly decide she wanted to get my stepson for a weekend, my spouse and I wouldn’t want to but usually felt like we had to allow him to go.

Y’all I swear EVERYTIME, it was as if  EVERYTHING he had learned (or was in the process of learning) would be erased from his mind ENTIRELY while he was away!

Obviously, this would leave me having to RE-TEACH my stepson everything we had been working on before he left, along with caring for my two Bio Kids! 

I want to give you a quick picture of how our lives were back then, so that you can TRULY see how bad it got at certain points.

My stepchild would come back from his Bio Moms visit and be wearing DIAPERS and usually have a NEW paci in his mouth!!

He would come back home with NO desire to “re-(potty)train“, NO desire to continue learning his ABC’s, 123’s, or help with “clean up time” with his step-siblings like he once had! He would pitch fits to watch cartoons ALL day, knowing in our house, we limit T.V. time!

(Let me also remind you that my stepson at this time was 3 almost 4 years old!!) 

 

This period in my life was a nightmare much of the time! My stress-level skyrocketed like nothing you can actually explain in just mere words.

One thing you most likely WON’T experience(or atleast not often) when you are a full-time Stepmom, is recieving CREDIT for ANYTHING you did/do.

A lot of Moms and Stepmoms often experience feeling unappreciated (or some describe it as feeling like “the maid“). As a full-time Stepmom myself, those descriptions seem to be MAJOR understatements of the intense emotions that consumed a lot of my days.

However, I am VERY thankful for my husband who would stand up for me!

Now I am not saying that we, full-time Stepmoms, want to be bragged on because that’s defiantly NOT the case (with me anyway)!!

The issues, for me, came by witnessing first hand how “in and out”(of my stepchild’s life) the Bio Mom was and seeing how she would randomly pop back “in” my stepchild’s life, and how CORRUPTIVE she was to his overall well being. Seeing my stepson experience this brought some heavy unwanted emotions on.

To make things worse, I knew in my heart that despite her actions and lack of parenting(& many others), and despite my own continuous efforts to fill her shoes and be the mom figure he NEEDED, I knew that my stepchild (along with any child at that age) would still choose his Bio Mom over me, any day.

Well, because face it, I am NOT his actual Bio Mom and never will be!

(**SIDE NOTEThis is still true even if you are in the situation, like me, where you had to do all of the things “the real mom” should be doing!)

 

This REALITY is a VERY hard pill to swallow, and truly heart-wrenching at times!

So no we don’t want to be bragged on, but YES, having someone make you feel appreciated or having your role(and all that YOU do) be noticed, even if only every now and then, would be so NICE & refreshing!

I do know that one day my stepson will see (and know) who was there for him.

He will realize one day who took care of him every time he was sick, who potty trained him or helped him learn to tie his shoes, who redecorated his room in a new theme everytime he grew into a new phase, and who taught him to use gel in his hair (because he wanted to look handsome for a girl at school).

He will know I was there and realize that “titles” don’t always mean anything and just because I am not(& never will be) titled as his “real bio mom doesn’t mean I didnt love & care for him as such, because I defiantly DID & DO!

My stepson WILL remember who cheered him on at his k5 graduation and who showed up to every “mommy and me” day at school, and watched(& loudly cheered) him during every one of his tee-ball and soccer games.

I do know all of this, but somehow the reality I shared with you above, still hurts in the present time.

Every time the awkward subject comes up, you know about the fact that I’m NOT his “real mom” my heart feels exactly like what I would imagine a stab straight to the heart would feel like, to this full-time Stepmom anyway.

 

I am pleased to report to you that life DOES indeed get better! The nightmare, severe stress, and drama eventually fade away, and your life becomes almost “normal“.

 

The main keys to Surviving the new full-time Stepmom role(& situations) are:

√ alway KEEP GOING!

√ find the positive in EVERY situation (no matter how small).

√ find(or create) a support network that you can truly rely on(and vice versa) because your husband won’t be able to be your ENTIRE support network ALL OF THE TIME.

So, Let’s Chat! 

Are YOU(or will you be) a full-time Stepmom? Can you relate to my feelings about the role or do you have anything to add? I would LOVE to hear from you!!

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment box below! I would also LOVE for you to share this post with anyone that you feel needs it!

Also, stay connected with A Blended Momma & receive FREE updates, exclusive deals & discounts, & the FIRST to know about anything new & exciting happening around the site, all of this delivered STRAIGHT to your inbox by SUBSCRIBING TO MY NEWSLETTER by clicking here!

Stepmommin : The Ultimate Survival Guide for All Stepmoms

Are we friends on Facebook yet?

If you are looking to find or create a SUPPORT NETWORK for yourself like I recommended earlier, joining one of my 2 FREE facebook groups would be a GREAT start!! 

To join my Stepmom ONLY group click HERE!

To join my Mom + Stepmom ONLY group click HERE!

 

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How to Transition From a Single Mom to A Blended Mom with Ease!!!

 

How to Transform Yourself from A Single Mom to a Bonus aka Stepmom!

Are you a new or future  Stepmom who was previously a Single Mom? If you are, then the post is for you!

Take a peek into my life today!

 

Today, like most days, you’ll see me juggling three kids, that all call me mommy, in all of our days to day schedules, outings, and such.

One of these children is my 8-year-old blonde (not so little) girl, who is literally my mini-me, in looks and behavior!

Next, is my 6 (almost 7) year old boy (stepchild), who is tan skinned, brown hair and getting taller by the minute. Weird but I have people tell me even he favors me.

Last but never least is another little blonde (a tad darker) haired little girl, who looks just like her sister did when she was that age that is a just a whole bunch of spunk!

These three follow me everywhere and want everything I do and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them!

You are probably wondering where my husband is, well he is a roofer and leaves very early in the mornings and works until dark. He is a very hard worker and the four of us are blessed to have him!

However, not too many years ago I was right where you are: a single mom(to a beautiful cotton top baby girl). Take a look!

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant and 19 when I had my first bio child. During my pregnancy months and even after, I struggled alot!

There were many times I was actually homeless, yes homeless! At times, I would have to feel like a bum asking my friends if I could sleep on their couches, other times I would sleep in my car.

In other words, times were often tough! My bio child’s sperm donor was just that. As soon as an actual baby was mentioned, he was gone! 

He would only come back into my life, when he wanted to erupt a volcano of destruction in my life, which I (being desperate for his “love” and “presence”)at the time, allowed him to, too many times! 

The situation always ended with me feeling more worthless, defeated, insecure, and lost than the time before.

 Despite all of that, I made it through, after several “no good” attempts at living arrangements (tell you that story another day) I finally settled into my own government-funded housing townhouse. (No shame here, everyone needs help sometimes!) It was in the bad part of town but I actually had no problems what so ever. I continued on with my family. As a Single mom, you live life solely for your child.

Eventually, I got a job which paid all the bills, and I cannot express the feeling I had when I could finally afford my baby girls entire Christmas on my own! It was one of the best feelings ever!

As a single mom, I worried about my child and then myself, and that was it.

I made sure the bills were paid, she was fed and had everything she needed and then I did the same for myself. I didn’t have anyone else to worry about at the time. Therefore, with any extra money that we had, I and my daughter would go out and do things we enjoyed doing.

We didn’t have to ask anyone else what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to go or worry about how anyone else felt and so forth. It was just me and her, for what seemed like an eternity! And while she got alot of what she wanted she was a VERY well behaved and well-mannered child naturally.

I will admit I treated her as a best friend alot in those days when I should have treated her as my daughter, but at the time I didn’t ever see things changing to where it wouldn’t be just me and her anymore and I let a lot slide.

Overall, after the and throughout the tough times I became a stronger woman and my child and I bonded tremendously!

Fast forward to when my (now) husband started dating, and take a peek!

So my husband had his bio child full-time with my stepson’s bio mom jumping in and out of my stepson’s life as she pleased. You can basically say she was the female version of my child’s sperm donor.

I’m sure you can guess as an early 20-year-old man raising a 2-year-old son alone, is not going to discipline that son very much or hard. Especially, when he (my spouse) was still holding onto the guilt of his son not having a mom around, even though the situation was certainly out of his control.

His son(my stepson was babied (big time, and yes my spouse will admit it) and my stepson was WILD.

When we first got together, we often times would fuss about the children’s discipline. Honestly alot of times I would find myself feeling guilty and jealous for my child because I wouldn’t let her get away with things by stepson would get away with. However, I don’t regret it now, because she knows right from wrong.

Eventually, we (my spouse and I) did get on the same page disciplining wise as well.

The kids would fuss because they would be jealous of one another. This was defiantly expected though seeing as though they were both only children to single parents before.

We dealt with grandparents picking favorites and had to both put a stop to that. We dealt with bio moms and bio dads trying to start trouble. Honestly, it feels like we went through every battle that should have torn our family apart but it didn’t. Because of all of that we are a strong united family!

I never told or asked my stepson to call me mom, my daughter was never told or asked to call my husband dad. Both children remember their bio parents, and both choose to rise above their situations and embrace the family they have.

Back to present day, you wouldn’t ever know that we are a blended family or the things we have gone through by looking at us. 

You will not convince my two older children that they are not brother and sister.  They fuss like cats and dogs but let anyone come in between them and they will stick up for one another faster than I have seen true siblings do. They both are very territorial over their baby sister as well!

You won’t see just my stepson with his dad separated from me and my daughter. You will see us all interacting as a blended family. All of our kids call me mommy and my spouse daddy and if asked they will tell you they all feel loved equally by each of us which is how I believe a blended family should be!

How to make this transition easiest begins by enrolling in my course The Survival Guide For EVERY Stepmoms

This course takes you through every single step of becoming a Stepmom and actually being a Stepmom, even how to be and have a successful blended family. My course provides you with activities to participate in with your spouse and children.  It also has activities just for you the Stepmom!

This course is designed for new and existing Stepmoms! It can help and benefit all stepfamilies at any stage you’re in of blending your family!

 

 Becoming a Stepmom is a process that usually proves to hold many struggles and stressors no matter if you’re transitioning from a single mom divorced or windowed mom or a single woman who never even had her own kids, it’s hard!

But remember why you took the leap to begin with, remember that through all the bad who your battling for that man you love and those kids that are your everything… breathe…and stick it out!

Better days are coming momma! But do not for a second think it’s easy!

But the great thing about the fact of you  reading this post  is, you now have a friend and a go-to person to come to with questions, vents, struggles, or when you just need a listening ear or a story from my life to relieve you that it’s not “you”

This is why I’m here! If you are or now anyone struggling with the transition from being a Single mom into a Stepmom, or any parts before, in between, or after please feel free to reach out!

You are not alone!

Do you have any tips or stories related to this post? I would LOVE to hear them! Please share your thoughts with us all below!

Also, please feel free to download my FREE Printable to help you and your family adjust to being a blended family,  new or not! Its quick and easy and you’ll be directed directly to your Free Printable!

 

 

Are we friends on Facebook yet? Join myself along with other Stepmoms in my private stepmom group by clicking here.

 

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