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How to Transition From a Single Mom to A Blended Mom with Ease!!!

Transitioning from a single mom into a Stepmom

How to Transform Yourself from A Single Mom to a Bonus aka Stepmom!

Are you a new or new-ish Bonus/ Stepmom who was previously a single mom? If you are, then  post is for you!

Take a peek into my life today!

 

Today, like most days, you’ll see me juggling three kids, that all call me mommy, in all of our day to day schedules, outings, and such.

One of these children is my 8 year old blonde (not so little) girl, who is literally my mini me, in looks and behavior! Next, is my 6 (almost 7) year old boy (stepchild), who is tan skinned, brown hair and getting taller by the minute. Weird but I have people tell me even he favors me. Last but never least is another little blonde (tad darker) haired little girl who looks just like her sister did when she was that age that is a just a whole bunch of spunk!

These three follow me everywhere and want to everything I do and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them! You are probably wondering where my husband is, well he is a roofer and leaves very early in the mornings and works until dark. He is a very hard worker and the four of us are blessed to have him!

However, not to many years ago I was right where you are: a single mom(to a beautiful cotton top babygirl). Take a look!

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant and 19 when I had my first bio child. During my pregnancy months and even after, I struggled alot!

There were many times I was actually homeless, yes homeless! At times, I would have to feel like a bum asking my friends if I could sleep on their couches, other times I would sleep in my car.

In other words times were often tough! My bio childs sperm donor, was just that. As soon as an actual baby was mentioned, he was gone! 

He would only come back into my life, when he wanted to erupt a volcano of destruction in my life, which I (being desperate for his “love” and “presence”)at the time, allowed him to, too many times! 

The situation always ended with me feeling more worthless, defeated, insecure, and lost than the time before.

 Despite all of that, I made it through, after several “no good” attempts at living arraingments (tell you that story another day) I finally settled into my own government funded housing townhouse. (No shame here, everyone needs help sometimes!) It was in the bad part of town but I actually had no problems what so ever. I continued on with my family. As a Single mom you live life soley for your child.

Eventually, I got a job which paid all the bills, and I cannot exspress the feeling I had when I could finally afford my babygirls entire Christmas on my own! It was one of the best feelings ever!

As a single mom I worried about my child and then myself, and that was it.

I made sure the bills were paid, she was fed and had everything she needed and then I did the same for myself. I didn’t have anyone else to worry about at the time. Therefore, with any extra money that we had, me and my daughter would go out and do things we enjoyed doing.

We didn’t have to ask anyone else what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to go, or worry about how any one else felt and so forth. It was just me and her, for what seemed like eternity! And while she got alot of what she wanted she was a VERY well behaved and well mannered child naturally.

I will admit I treated her as a best friend alot in those days when I should of treated her as my daughter, but at the time I didn’t ever see things changing to where it wouldn’t be just me and her anymore and I let a lot slide.

Overall, after the and throughout the tough times I became a stronger woman and my child and I bonded tremendously!

Fast forward to when my (now) husband started dating, and take a peek!

So my husband had his bio child full-time with my stepsons bio mom jumping in and out of my stepsons life as she pleased. You can basically say she was the female version of my childs sperm donor.

I’m sure you can guess as an early 20 year old man raising a 2 year old son alone, is not going to discipline that son very much or hard. Especially, when he (my spouse) was still holding onto the guilt of his son not having a mom around, even though the situation was certainly out of his control.

His son(my stepson was babied (big time, and yes my spouse will admit it) and my stepson was WILD.

When we first got together, we often times would fuss about the childrens discipline. Honestly alot of times I would find myself feeling guilty amd jealouse for my child because I wouldn’t let her get away with things by stepson would get away with. However I don’t regret it now, because she knows right from wrong.

Eventually we (my spouse and I) did get on the same page disciplining wise as well.

The kids would fuss because they wouldbe jealouse of one another. This was defiantly exspected though seeing as though they were both only children to single parents before.

We dealt with grandparents picking favorites and had to both put a stop to that. We dealt with bio moms and bio dads trying to start trouble. Honestly it feels like we went through every battle that should of torn our family apart but it didn’t. Because of all of that we are a strong united family!

I never told or asked my stepson to call me mom, my daughter was never told or asked to call my husband dad. Both children remember their bio parents, and both choose to rise above their situations and embrace the family they have.

Back to present day, you wouldn’t ever know that we are a blended family or the things we have went through by looking at us. 

You will not convience my two older  children that they are not brother and sister.  They fuss like cats and dogs but let anyone come in between them and they will stick up for one another faster than I have saw true siblings do. They both are very territorial over their baby sister as well!

You won’t see just my stepson with his dad separated from me and my daughter. You will see us all interacting as a blended family. All of our kids call me mommy and my spouse daddy and if asked they will tell you they all feel loved equally by each of us which is how I believe a blended family should be!

How to make this transition easiest begins by enrolling in my course Stepmommin 102: The Ultimate Survival Guide For All Stepmoms

This course takes you through every single step of becoming a Stepmom and actually being a Stepmom, even how to be and have a successful blended family. My course provides you with activities to participate in with your spouse and children.  It also has activities just for you the Stepmom!

This course is designed for new and exsisting Stepmoms! It can help and benefit all stepfamilies at any stage your in of blending your family!

The next step is to join my new private stepmom community which I call The Bonus Mom Club, because at any stage of Step-Motherhood you NEED a support system! This community will provide that support system for you! When you enroll in my course you will recieve a FREE month enrollment in The Bonus Mom Club!

 

 Becoming a Stepmom is a process that usually proves to hold many struggles and   stressors no matter if your  transitioning from a single mom divorced or windowed mom, or a single woman who never even had her own kids, it’s hard!

But remember why you took the leap to begin with, remember that through all the bad who your battling for: that man you love and those kids that are your everythings… breathe…and stick it out!

Better days are coming momma! But do not for a second think it’s easy!

But the great thing about the fact of you  reading this post  is, you now have a friend and a go-to person to come to with questions, vents, struggles, or when you just need a listening ear or a story from my life to relieve you that it’s not “you”

This is why I’m here! If you are or now anyone struggling with the transition from being a Single mom into a Stepmom , or any parts before, in between, or after please feel free to reach out!

You are not alone!

Do you have any tips or stories related to this post? I would LOVE to hear them! Please share your thoughts with us all below!

Also, please feel free to download my FREE Printable to help you and your family adjust to being a blended family,  new or not! Its quick and easy and you’ll be directed directly to your Free Printable!

 

 

 

Join the bonus mom club

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house into a home

Making Your New Blended House a Home That Every One Feels Comfortable In, While Staying on a Budget!

How to Make Your New Blended House a Home

That Everyone Feels Comfortable Living In, While Staying on a Budget!

* Note Some links found within this website may be affiliate links which means if you purchase a product or service through my link, I may receive a commission based fee off of it! This is at NO COST to you EVER! So thanks for the support, I truly appreciate it!

 

 

When I first started dating my husband, I never imagined I would ever move into the house he lived in. You must be wondering, why?

Well, because that was the house that he lived in with his ex wife, my step child’s Bio mom. I HATED that house and to be honest even HATE was not a strong enough word. All of her possessions were gone, but the presence lingered on.

I was straight forward with him about my feelings for moving in and he gave me a QUICK reality check!! I was being extremely immature about the entire situation and I can see that now, but then I couldn’t even begin too.

He explained that as newlyweds, which we would be when we moved in with one another, newlyweds both having a Bio child of our own and very dramatic ex’s, minimum wage jobs and so on, we would NEVER last if we were to go out and purchase or even rent another home at that point in time of our lives.

Inside I knew the truth, but I couldn’t face reality! Why? It made me feel insecure, it made me feel jealous, it made me feel vulnerable and that scared the daylights out of me!

With this house being paid off and the taxes not very much, we could actually be able to SAVE for the dreams we had for our future! My husbands divorce and custody case costs him nearly all his savings, and I only worked a part time job at that point. So I didn’t like it in the least bit, but I LOVED my husband and I couldn’t let this tear us apart, so reluctantly I moved in.

He was very patient with my feelings and told me to move stuff and re-decorate, throw out, replace, paint, etc whatever I had to do to make this OUR home! He said its your personal masterpiece!

I felt excited but for some reason I was so subconsciously against doing anything to the house at ALL. I still despised it! I would tinker with things here and there but nothing I did felt right with the redecorating. That is, until I became pregnant with my husbands and myself’s child together. Call it nesting or whatever you’d like but I saw it as my breakthrough. 

I finally could channel a want, a desire, to change the house we now call home, and once I started, I didn’t stop!

Turning our new blended families house into our home.

Since my two girls would share a room, I opted in (more than eagerly) to swap mine and my husbands room to the smaller room and the shared girls room would relocate to the bigger room so they could each have their own space. My stepsons room was perfect for him and he loved it thankfully. We took a wall down in the small room and made the room a tad bigger, ripped up the carpet and put down hardwood floors.

I spent HOURS sanding the hardwood and staining the wood walls to the perfect color how we had agreed on. Then, I continued on to paint the kids rooms. To save money on painting cost, I went searching in my husbands gigantic barn.

Here were my findings: TONS of white paint, a very bright red, a super dark blue, a very small container of dull yellow and a mint green.

I knew I could come up with something for a (then) 5 year old girl, newborn girl,  and 4 year old boy’s rooms. So I began experimented. I  started on my daughters room, since it’s the biggest, I painted all 4 walls white.  Then, I took the bright red and white and made a very pretty pale pink color.

I painted the two opposite facing walls with the pink and let it dry. Then, I mixed the red with the white again but not as much this time and it came out a brighter pink, so for the second layer, I used the brighter color. For the remaining two walls, I took the mint green and yellow mixed and made a pastel green that my daughter LOVED. It turned out so pretty and girly.

Moving on to the boy room, remember the dark blue I found? I mixed it with white and did a sponge type painting effect, in the end you could see the white that was under the blue but barely, and it looked awesome put all together. So Painting which dramatically changed the look of the rooms and the cost being a whopping $0 bucks!

How to make your new blended families house a home.

After the bedrooms were painted, we took down the bar that never got used and that separated the kitchen and dining room which COMPLETELY opened the entire house up!

Next up was the accent pieces: curtains, pillows, hanging pictures, accent rugs, shelves etc.

I had no particular plan or order to this madness, I just knew I was in a groove. I found this awesome triangle shelf at a thrift store for $2, bought some blue/turquoise spray paint and started painting away. I had several small wooden shelves as well and I painted those turquoise too.

Now, since my husband and I, had swapped to the small bedroom we didn’t have a big closet and worse it had no door. I had tons  of curtains but none that I liked, so I came across a turquoise pattern shower curtain, the fabric kind.  I hung a curtain rod over my 3 “closet opening” and windows.

To make the shower curtain fit length wise, I had to cut it and then for it to hang on the curtain rod, I took the top and folded it over about 1 1/2 in and hot glued it into place, leaving just enough room for the curtain rod to slide in and hang in place.

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I found a soft almost silky feeling turquoise piece of fabric among my craft supplies so i decided to make this my next curtain. It was very plain though. So I whipped my hot glue gun back out, took some extra fabric from the shower curtain one, and glued fabric into flower shapes about mid way. It looks so pretty!

I hung the triangle turquoise shelf I painted earlier behind my kitchen sink but higher, and used a small picture frame and placed a gold piece of scrapbook paper that had the saying ” Do What You Love” printed on it, into the frame.  Added some “fake” and pretty flowers, and a picture my dad hand painted. Its very inspiring to look at while cleaning the unpleasant dishes.

I hung the other small shelves around in various places around our home, mostly adding pictures to them. Below my kitchen sink eventually will hold the custom cabinets my husband is making us, but for now I hung the remainder of the turquoise pattern fabric and painted the top two drawers turquoise and it all blends beautifully.

I’ve made several other small changes here and there. I absolutely LOVE flowers and boutiques, and I have added them everywhere I can, even framed pictures of flowers. The kids and I made several different DIY decor items mostly painting and fixing up older items, framing fabric patterns and various pictures/ quotes, we even set up a mini family board “center” with a calendar that hangs above my desk, 3 cubby’s (one for each kid) that has a small chalkboard square patch on the front of each cubby.

On the desk there are containers with pencils and erasers, paper for the kids homework, an old school pencil sharpener hanging on the wall beside the desk, in the side drawer I have stocked it up with rewards stickers, good job certificates, stapler/stables, and other odd and end craft/school items.

We (my husband and I) found two school house desks the kind we actually used in middle school. One has a orange seat and one has a blue seat and wooden table tops. They use these for homework, and they work perfectly because the bottom has a rack where they can store their papers  projects, crafts and all from the day.

In my daughters room I hung up floating shelves added small hanging containers which I filled with her nail polishes, placed a necklace hanger and hung all of her jewelry  up and set up my old makeup mirror on the lowest shelf for her to have her own little makeup studio.

In my sons I painted a wooden stand up shelf that has two shelves separating it, on top I placed an unused aquarium and placed semi big rocks around it, keep in mind it has trees painted onto the glass, after placing all the rocks just right,  I added his dinosaur collection into the aquarium, some facing each other, some standing side by side and some fighting.

Experiencing our house finally being a home for our blended family that we all love!

Needless to say, the kids were ecstatic about their new “cool” rooms as they call them, I was proud and so happy to have a home with my blended family, and my husband was so relieved that our new blended house had finally been made into a home! A home we all loved, we all felt comfortable in, and a home we could all grow together and spend our futures together happily.

I think the best part of it all was redecorating to this extreme (our house literally looks like a different place) for practically NOTHING!! Almost everything I utilized for the home makeover was refurbished, re purposed, or found super cheap at yard sales or thrift stores.

If I would of relied on going out and buying all brand new items, I would of put our new blended family in debt, which ultimately would of caused us to have some type of turmoil in one way or another, and we didn’t need ANY of that! Plus, honestly I don’t think I would be as happy with all new stuff as I am with the new look and feel of our home using the items we did!

Have you ever tried any of the techniques I mentioned? Maybe you have used different DIY tricks or have other ways to save money on a house makeover, please feel free to share them below! I would love to hear them!

 

Love this post? Check these other posts out I think you’ll love as well.

My Disastrous Labeling Mayhem!

Are your Kids Constantly Bored and Never Utilizing their Imaginations? Check this Out!

Ways to Use DIY to Save on Kids Birthday Parties

 

 

 

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